Plaid and Dry Leaves... It's Fall

I love this time of year. I wish I was in Colorado to witness the changing colors of the trees. One of those really amazing things I miss. But I'm proud to say I'm not going to let this Fall, in Texas, go by with a negative attitude. The Lord has been working on my attitude a lot lately. It's been difficult but there's been so many positive outcomes from yielding to His discipline. Today was an example of the growth I'm experiencing in this area.
The morning didn't start out well. I was scheduled to see three clients and none of them came. As a counselor-in-training and having my personality, it was really difficult to not view the situation as a personal attack. This really great girl in the office reminded me that it's good to evaluate myself but remember that the Lord has me here for a reason; I need to see things His way. Also, I can't control other people's choices and behaviors (as much as I'd like to... I'm bit of a control freak). I just had to take a step back and breathe. I'm really thankful for that quick encouragement.
This is of little importance to anyone reading this but I decided to wear my new plaid shirt over this cute gray t-shirt which made me feel Fall-ish; it gave me a little boost of happiness after the morning events. So, I finished my class for the day and headed to my babysitting job. I really look forward to this job because the kids I babysit are just adorable and a joy to be around. Today, I only had to look after the youngest who is just the cutest, blonde little thing :) I'm generally not a kid person but this little girl makes me smile. She's young enough to still be in diapers but old enough to start talking in gibberish mixed with some actual words. As part of our routine when it's just us, we watched two episodes of Fresh Beat and headed out for the park. We enjoy our walks together. Especially in this neighborhood where it's quiet, safe, full of GORGEOUS houses, and just a short distance away from this little park that a Episcopal church owns. We spent about thirty minutes running around in this fenced in park, enjoying the warm Autumn weather and each other's company. It was so fun.... being in plaid, in Autumn, in a gorgeous neighborhood with such a sweet little girl. Soon, it was time to return and I asked her if she was ready to go. Her response, "Okay Kissy" (because she can't say Kristen) made me smile more. Just the cutest thing. On our adventure back to the house, she was intentionally walking in the gutter where the Autumn leaves had gathered. (You know... the delightfully crunchy ones that call your name this time of year). She kept her head down, held my hand, and crippled dried leaves... Making sure that not one would be left uncrunched. We marched home, crunching leaves, holding hands while singing Twinkle Twinkle and ABC. Me in plaid, her in pink, us in Autumn spirits :) It was precious. I saw God's beauty in that moment. Radiating in innocence and joy. Enjoying something beautiful that He created... a connection between an adult and a child. We all have memories like that. Maybe it was time spent with a parent when we were really young that was so sweet, the memory brings a tear to your eye. I know I have memories like that from when I was just a child. There are these moments in life... encounters that God uses us to teach something to someone... Even if that someone is a two-year old. God also comes through in those moments teach us something about ourselves or a situation. I learned, or relearned, to take a deep breath today. To let myself out of my head and enjoy time. Experience His joy and marvel at His creation. Feel a sweet hand in mine that told me something about trust. Sing a lullaby and crunch leaves to feel simplicity and innocence again. I love the Lord for giving me today. I hope she stores today in the treasure box of her mind and later experiences that nostalgia that, so often, tugs at our heart strings because it was full of love and joy. I know I won't forget it.

Building Blocks

It's so difficult maintaining relationships when you have school, work and internship to manage. Sometimes I have to fight myself, let go of one night of homework to spend time with friends. Have to admit, sometimes I get a little anxious while I'm with friends when there's so much to be done in the academic world. But there's been so many positive things that have resulted in time spent with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I've been encouraged, refreshed, held accountable, and blessed with some joy through these times. I'm so grateful for these relationships. Not sure where I'd be without them. They are truly a gift from the Lord.
Meanwhile, Growth Groups are going really well. One of my niches is observing people and I've noticed how close our group is growing with each other. I wouldn't say that everyone is best of friends but they seem to have a fun time overall... a good place to start for long lasting friendships. Our first hang out time was a success. It's been so neat to watch everyone become acquainted, share stories, prayer requests and find joy in each other's company. It's been even cooler being part of building the group and covering it with prayer. I'm having a good time. The Lord is at work and it's so awesome to watch and participate in :)

1 + 1 = 1

Attitude. That's the hot topic of my life since this semester has started. Growth groups just had it's official kick-off this last week. The topic is Attitudes of Success. Success in this discussion is roughly defined as a life that is in obedience to Christ. Coincidentally, attitudes and success is also something that's been convicting me as I've been reading through one of my textbooks The Power of the Call by Henry Blackaby and Henry Brandt. So why is this an area that I've been convicted about... Well, since beginning my education here at Seminary, my attitude has been one of complaining, pessimism and plain hatred. Now that I think about it, there were few days where I felt content. One of the reasons is because I had a hardened heart... towards the Lord and towards everyone I encountered. There's no excuse for it. Now it's being seriously dealt with by my Savior and it's really hard to face. I'm a prideful person. I don't like it when I'm wrong. I don't like admitting that my character and my attitude is not reflecting the One I love so much. But because I love Him and He demands better of me, I plant my face down before Him... Letting go of pride and asking Him to give me the strength, to show me the way out of this negative attitude and behavior I've adapted to.
I'm surrounded by loving people. People I can talk openly about this battle I'm enduring with my attitude which provides comfort while the Lord breaks and rebuilds my heart. I can see the beauty in this plan that the Lord has for me right now. As he breaks and mends, He also provides wonderful friends who come along side me and carry this burden. They don't make the pain go away. That would be counter-productive. But while the battle rages on, friends help hold my hands up when I'm too weak.
In life, we are faced with trials. It's guaranteed. But the Lord is faithful and He provides for our every need. He didn't make us to face these difficulties alone. He created us to have relationships. Relationships promote our health- keeps us strong. They are the physical manifestations of the love the Lord has for us. The outcome of this battle would be grim if I chose to reject this love.

Bleeding Heart

I go to an amazing church down here. I see how God was comforting me through my awkward transition into this phase of life and He did so by pointing me to Hope Church. This church focuses on discipleship, building friendship and community with others. My life has rarely felt open to those around me and Hope is one of the few places where such a thing happens. I'm being held accountable. The going-ons in my life are always followed up on by a sweet friend in the body who has been praying and investing in my life. My gifts are encouraged by others and have incredible opportunity to be exercised and even shared with those with similar gifts. Wow! What a wonderful thing! There are just so many opportunities to grow. Many ways to foster relationships. Everything we do points us to creating and growing relationships with each other.
Growth groups are starting this week and I'm SO excited to have the opportunity to create some new relationships with others. Especially with this particular age group. I can't wait to see what God does with this. Maybe there'll be an opportunity to share Christ with someone. The events we'll be having this semester are going to be in settings where non-Christians would be comfortable to attend and, maybe have an open conversation about God.
This is a very exciting time for Hope in regards to ministry relationships. We are all striving to keep healthy relationships with each other and build new ones. As part of the covenant, any hurt relationships are encouraged to go way of healing... to be fixed. Otherwise, how can other relationships start or go on? I like how the Hope body handles relationships. I prefer it. I'm excited about passing it on to others. Here I feel the value of relationships strongly. I'm fortunate to be a member of a body that takes ministry relationships seriously. I can't seem to hide from relationships in this body. The love is just too addicting.

A Spiritual Secret Being Tested

So here I am blogging. I haven't done this in awhile. Used to be a favorite pastime of mine when I was in high school. Then I started disclosing all my depth onto beautifully lined paper in handsome journals and blue pens. The cramps in my hand were a small price to pay for saving my eyes from computer UV rays.
The assignment is to make weekly entries about what God is teaching me. That's difficult to talk about... Especially when I know strangers are reading this. I'll just pretend that you and I are close friends and we're enjoying a warm raspberry chai latte at local coffee shop on a wintry night. Feeling at peace and happy to catch up with the news of a fellow Christ follower.
I just read Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret. I absolutely L.O.V.E.D it! The most impressionable thing that captured my attention and kept me begging for more was the language. So elegant and descriptive. No one talks like that anymore. I wish we did. Maybe conversations would be more interesting if we all talked like that. But the most important lesson that I got out of it and an issue I had to confront in my own life was about trusting in the Lord. Not in terms of salvation but in other areas of life. Like tithing. I've always known that tithing was an important discipline. The act is a test of faith and willingness to see the Lord's blessing fulfilled in one's life are just a few things that come about when tithing. I've been in some financial distress lately and, of course (and somewhat convenient) simultaneously been convicted on this topic. I love the Lord and I do wish to see His blessings poured out in my life because He desires to pour out His blessing. There's no doubt in that. Yet stress can cause some funny thinking and compromises. Especially financial stress. So I started reading about this Taylor guy. Wow. I'm inspired by his unstoppable faith and deep trust in the Lord. I remember this quote from the book: (Paraphrase) [Taylor finds out that the last bag of rice has been opened and is diminishing quickly] "This means God will provide very soon". Taylor relied heavily on the Lord. He knew for certain that God would provide. There never seemed to be a hint of doubt. I have never experienced a time where I "felt" like God had failed me. He always fulfills His promises. I've seen Him do it. Yet why was I worried about this financial thing? After reading Taylor, I was resolved to put one of his "Spiritual Secrets" to the test.... I tithed even though I personally felt like I couldn't afford to do it. I love my Lord and I know He will provide. I know I can trust Him more than I usually do. I can trust in Him with this financial stress. I yearn for more of Christ. But to have more, I must be obedient. The hot topic in my life right now in demonstration of obedience and faith is tithing. "We thank thee Lord for Pilgrim days when desert springs were dry, when first we knew what depths of need thy love could satisfy" ~ unknown.